


Weighing Choices

by Luthorchickv2



Series: A Butler for all Seasons [1]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Gen, Past Underage, Season 6 Compliant, Series Spoilers, Thomas was 15 when he met the Duke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 16:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20100001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luthorchickv2/pseuds/Luthorchickv2
Summary: After the season 6 Christmas Special, Thomas goes back to the Stiles household to work out his notice and explores what returning to Downton as butler really means and if he actually wants to.





	Weighing Choices

**Author's Note:**

> The Downton wiki lists Thomas as being born in 1896 which makes him 30 in 1926, and 18 when World War 1 starts and 15/16 when he started sleeping with the Duke. 16 when he tries to blackmail the duke. it also means that he was 14 when he first arrives at Downton 1910. 
> 
> This is the prologue to a fic I started in 2017 and am just now finishing but can stand on its own.

After some discussion Carson and Thomas decided that he would say at his current position through January and would return on February 1st. The Stiles aren’t happy with him but with a position lined up Thomas isn’t bothered. He spends the time instead thinking about returning to Downton as he went about his duties. One afternoon he had sat in the downstairs hall, once home to a grand staff but now greatly diminished and thought it through as he polished the silver. What did he want?

He had said yes to returning to Downton, almost reflexively, anything to get him back to the place that had been his home for over 15 years, but is it what he truly wanted? Working for the Stiles household had given him some breathing room and a sense of a life that wasn’t Downton or the Army. And he found that he didn’t care much for it. Was is service itself? There had been a time where he had wanted out of service, the war had shown him a world outside of the archaic rules and rituals that governed Downton above and below stairs but at the first setback, first disappointment, he had fled back to service and to the Abbey. Was he doing the same thing again? Fleeing back to what was comfortable? What was known?

He could have used this, the reducing of service staff at Downton, to leave service all together. Maybe find a job in London working for a firm of some sort. He could read and write and knew his numbers, Mrs. Hughes had seen to that, and he was a fast learner. He was sure that someone could have helped him get a foot in the door somewhere if he had asked. 

So why hadn’t he? Yes, change was scary and hadn’t really ever worked out in Thomas’s favor, but also, he was proud of his skills. 

Say what you will about Thomas’s attitude and plotting but he had almost never had a black mark because of his work, at least not recently. He took great pride in being exemplary and worked hard. His skills were everything to be expected as staff in the household of an Earl. It wasn’t his fault that service was a dying occupation. But he had skills and a position at Downton as butler would mean a certain level of security. Staff would be reduced but surely a house such as Downton would always need a butler

So service it was. 

He was going to be 31 this year, did he want to spend the remainder of his years tied in service to Downton and its people? 

He ran a polishing cloth around the rim of a serving bowl and remembered how proud he was to be hired on a Downton, the excitement of donning his first livery, the hope of a place to belong after being discarded by his family. When had he lost that?

He could blame O’Briens machinations or Carson’s coldness or the Earl’s continuous passing him over, but so much of it had just been him, young and angry at a world that loathed him for what he was. 

There was so much history there betwixt him and the house and when he looked back on his actions there was a sense of shame but also realization. He had been young and stupid and angry and maybe, if the family and staff of Downton could forgive him, or at least look past his past, then maybe he could forgive himself. It was better, certainly easier, then fighting against the world. Downton wanted him. A small part of him tried to believe that it was just because he had been standing there but there were no shortage of service staff looking for jobs and his lordship would have had a likely candidate in no time, but he had chosen Barrow, a man who knew more able Thomas’s private affairs and folilibles then an employer generally would and he had come up with the solution of Thomas returning to Downton. 

But did he want to? The family had changed much in the years since he had started. He didn’t think he could ever feel for the older Granthams and Lady Mary what Carson did, but he did love George and Sybbie. It had broken something in him to leave them and he was thrilled to see them again but could he be for George what Carson was to Lady Mary?

Yes, he realized. He could. He could watch George and Sybbie grown up, he could care for them and support them. He would never have a family of his own but he could belong, at Downton, if he let himself. 

Becoming the butler would also mean giving up any hope of happiness in his love life, not that his love life had ever been happy. He had been 15 when he had fallen into bed and in love with Philip, young and stupid enough to believe the promises of a handsome nobleman. And he’d been stupid when he listened to O’brien about Jimmy and had almost lost everything. No, it was better this way. He could have one offs in London when the family went but he wouldn’t risk anything long term. It would mean a solitary existence and it would put an end to the fantasy Thomas still kindled in a very small part of his heart of being a valet to a like minded man who could be his lover. 

At least it would be a safer existence and it would certainly protect him from himself, he thought grimly, but with resignation, and turned his mind back to considering Downton. 

He had told Baxter he would try to be someone new at his position? Could he still be someone new as butler of Downton, even with his history? 

It struck him like a bolt. He could. He would be the butler, the head of the downstairs staff. It would take time and work on his part but be was certain that they would come to respect him in time. He would never be like Mr. Carson, bullying and condescending in turns, he would earn their respect and friendship and be happy with that. 

He finished the last piece of silver and softly set it down. 

Yes, he wanted to be the butler at Downton Abbey. Confident in his thought process, he nodded to himself as he put away the cleaning. Now he just had to decide what he wanted his time as butler to look like.


End file.
